1.5.22

sobriety is killing me. I know that I just need to man up and get used to this “new reality” but goddamn now I remember why I popped pills all the time!  (kidding.. kinda). the only thing i feel content doing is laying and reading books on my kindle all day (trashy fiction, nothing educational). It’s absurd but I just feel so uncomfortable doing ANYTHING else that even writing this feels like I’m working on borrowed time (i felt that way on drugs too about writing which is interesting…)

well i guess sometimes the truth just hurts, because i’m not proud of these thoughts but they’re honest and (as brene brown would say) i am “letting go of my shame” - she really was a great recommendation to read/watch for me haha.

I just want to want to be alive… ya feel me?