2020: The Best Year of My Life

Yeah, that's quite a controversial opinion thanks to the whole viral pandemic going on, but I would be lying if I said that the changes caused by covid/quarantine haven't benefitted me. Naturally I feel horrible for my friends that had to change wedding/bachelorette plans, and of course I would never wish suffering an incurable virus on anyone... yet the fact remains that while the world turned upside down, I'm finally right side up.

Let's start with the most important reason that this year is great...

I finally quit opiates thanks to some 'virtual rehab', and I never would have done the program if not for the covid-created factors of: permanent WFH, the cancellation of all my previously scheduled events, and the ability to do just about everything virtually (rehab from home? count me in). I am honestly not sure what about the IOP program at Woburn Wellness was helpful enough to be the reason that I finally was able to quit, most likely because it was the combination of a LOT of factors. The people who were in the program at the same time, the fact I finally found some faith/spirituality thanks to the torturous 9AM sessions that I did for a month, the access to medication assisted treatment information and a nurse practitioner, and of course a lot of self-reflection. Whatever, point is that while I certainly have plenty more self-improvement to work on and pills I'd like to be off of, at least the shackles of an opiate addiction are finally off of me - and that wouldn't have been made possible if not for the option to do the program virtually.

Nice, it's even easier to embed instagram posts here than I thought! Anyways, it's crazy now looking back and realizing that for 8 years I didn't realize the depths to which I'd fallen - I always thought I was a "self-aware" drug addict (hah), but now I can plainly see that I was living my life just waiting for the next high. To be fair, it's impossible not to: once you've fallen in love with that devil, you've well and truly sold your soul because getting high eliminates all the bad parts of life. The problem is that it doesn't solve anything, and once you've felt that high real life just seems horribly dull in comparison so the motivation to quit is hard to find. I had gotten to a point where it felt like none of my normal self-medicating was getting me to the level I needed to be at in order to keep being a "high functioning addict" so I was getting high just to not feel sick with withdrawal, and THAT is no way to live.

I'll get into how/why I ended up addicted to opiates in a later post - that's too long of a story to delve into now. What I'm more interested in is why no one else seems to feel the way I do about this being a great year - with some of my friends it's clear: cancelled weddings, being isolated, worries about family members getting the virus, etc. and I'm incredibly grateful/lucky not to be in those positions. From where I'm sitting, all the changes have been positive:

Work from home becoming permanent

This has, as my boss says, "changed my life for the better in so many ways that I'll never be able to go back to the old normal." Yeah, my boss is the man, and potentially the only other person as happy about all the changes... but who DOESN'T want to have the ability to work from home all the time!? I'm truly baffled by this, because no longer feeling like part of the 'rat race' is such a game changer for me. I hated commuting into the office with "the ants go marching one by one" running through my head, and sitting at a desk all day sucks! There's certainly an argument to be made for the social aspect of an office: I do miss the ability to go down a flight of stairs and see Shelby, but I also can drive my car to go visit her so I really don't think the trade off of 9+ hours in an office all day is worth having that ability.

THE END OF ABSURDLY OVER-PRICED WEDDING EVENTS!

Yeah, I said it. FUCK weddings. I've never been more mystified by such a commonly accepted "social norm" than I am by marriage and the amount of time/money put into the event. Why on Earth do people want to spend more than the price of a house to turn the signing of a legal document into an instagram-worthy event? I'm convinced it's "for the likes" to be honest - the past few years have seen a huge spike in wedding-related spending with bachelorettes turning into trips far away rather than a night out with the girls. Maybe I'm just an alien or was born missing the gene for wanting to get married, but the fact that it's not only normal for bachelorettes/showers/and weddings to be HUGE affairs, it's actually ME that's in the wrong for not wanting to pay to go to all the bull shit! Absolutely bananas. Now I'm not hating on every wedding I've been to - in fact, I've had fun at most of them and enjoyed being a part of the couple's special day. What's crazy to me is that bride's willingly put themselves through the hell of planning all that AND the cost. It's a lot of money to have friends getting married at the same time, and yet it seems as if that's just another over-looked aspect of all the insanity. So yeah, maybe I'm an asshole, but I truly hope everyone is now realizing how much more practical it is to have a small family wedding and then maybe throw a party after... either way, I'll certainly be saying "fuck off" to any invites I don't care for in the future - my guilty conscience will just have to shut the hell up.

SOCIAL DISTANCING

Another favorite, however I do realize that I haven't had to be as careful about it as people with at-risk relatives or families that are worried about the virus. I've just reaped the benefits of not having to deal with strangers trying to talk to me when I bring Denver to the park, and overall my introverted way of life is made infinitely better without the social pressure of going to events. Let's be clear, I don't hate people - I hate big social settings/gatherings when I could be hanging out with Denver instead of attempting to make small talk. This has also been so key for recovery, because the lack of social obligations has made time needed for all the sessions and the self-reflection without any guilt about skipping out on life. It's given me a 'free pass' to not have to explain to well-intentioned friends that I can't go to XYZ event due to working a recovery program, which has made a huge difference in my ability to take everything I can from the time I had with all the sessions.

So do I like wearing a mask? No, but you bet I'll wear one that matches Denver's bandana's if it means I can continue living this blessed way of life :)