My Future Bestseller

livestreams

Livestream 12/4/20

Fitting title from 18 days ago at "(Untitled)" ... updating to a Livestream, that's an easy default. - that's how long I guess it took me to overcome the level of constant panic that requires me to do absolutely nothing except breathe (and read, thank

livestreams

pinked out the hot mess express

The "fuck-its" is one of my favorite Cindy-isms used to describe the feeling people get right before a relapse. That naturally makes the term seem like the fuck-its something to be avoided, but I just encountered a better solution for my brain saying "fuck it" than

October Mayhem of To-Dos

The irony of being unable to do anything when you have the most to do: an insomniac's true story. WHY AM I LIKE THIS!? This is not to be published, tbis is to be sane. I need to prioritize... I need sleep. Then I can handle all the

just so many thoughts, all the time

... SO many. I always think about something I heard this past year (I can't even remember from what anymore): humans can speak in only 1/2 the amount of time it takes other people to hear. this "fact" (despite hundreds of times telling myself to research

Livestream 11/16 going on 17

For the first time in awhile I'm not here because I'm on the verge of a panic attack - progress? Not sure, but let's not fuck it up. I got work done, and I tentatively am slowly but surely starting to accept that the

GET MUSIC IN HERE!

Figure out how to add music to a post (I'm sure it's an option) because WW111 is a short but underrated song on tickets to my downfall, and I need it in here. <iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/41ltleYVuvEjnqiygy2rQ3" width=

What a time to be Alive

I don't know why I just ended up here, but it's been awhile so I figured since I'm clearly procrastinating the work I should have done last week (due at 4PM) then I might as well go back to my livestream typed thoughts to

HOT MESS EXPRESS

Any attempt at editing the 'livestream' from 11/6 just became futile, it's that bad. Not sure why I couldn't find the other tab where my original writing was, but the stuff from OneNote will have to do. Why? Because I have an actual

Livestream 11/6

I almost titled this SoSo thoughts, but Mikey's showing me new songs by some kid that knew Juice World - the world of underground rappers (i don't even know if that's a pun intended) is so crazy sad and drug riddled. I definitely get

A New Solution for ALL the Thoughts...

I'm honestly still not sure if I'm joking, overtired to the point of hysteria, or what - but I like this idea: write down all the reasons I could feel awful every time I feel like shit. Worth a shot to get it all out of

it's all about the chemicals

How is it possible that it's just fucked up chemical imbalances in my head making me feel this way? I will admit I own some of the responsibility for unbalancing said chemicals: I need to eat healthier, workout more, meditate, do yoga, stop procrastinating with work, be better

WIP

code test - dev post? WIP

I will always picture Johnny Depp saying that, but I have a full time job so I can't spend all day looking at posters to buy of him saying it (although I almost did) - just needed to get this quote out of my head so I can

depression hacks Featured

TICKETS TO MY DOWNFALL

Tickets To My Downfall: #1 Album of the moment, and a soundtrack to my sanity.

What am I doing?

Alright I don’t feel like sitting at my computer but my head is fit to burst with all these thoughts for a post --> I wrote this in a google doc but still couldnt sleep so pasting to edit tomorrow: After a week filled with existential crises and

"dating in rehab"

Just found texts I had sent my badass babe (and future publisher) about all the stories from my first evening IOP session - I had just finished a month of full day sessions and clearly had a lot of thoughts to share, and like the amazing friend she is Nicole

End the Stigma for all Parents

I need to figure out how to tell my parents that I was addicted to painkillers (+ all other abusable pharmaceuticals) for 8 years, but they don't need to worry because I'm finally free from the tunnel vision that kept me always falling back to bad habits.

intro

High Functioning

I've been enjoying the reactions I get from people when I tell them that I'm recovering from an opiate addiction, because the majority of them never knew I was even struggling. The worst part about the stigma surrounding mental health/addiction is that it paints a

2020: The Best Year of My Life

Yeah, that's quite a controversial opinion thanks to the whole viral pandemic going on, but I would be lying if I said that the changes caused by covid/quarantine haven't benefitted me. Naturally I feel horrible for my friends that had to change wedding/bachelorette plans,

intro

What are we doing here?

getting started

intro

The world turned upside down, but I landed on my feet. Example # 3489:

FINALLY! Time to get all the words and lessons out of my head and into yours.