pinked out the hot mess express

The "fuck-its" is one of my favorite Cindy-isms used to describe the feeling people get right before a relapse. That naturally makes the term seem like the fuck-its something to be avoided, but I just encountered a better solution for my brain saying "fuck it" than reaching for pills. I made a different reckless/impulsive decision! My hair currently has some red/pink dye sitting in it to be washed out in about 10 minutes - TBD on the results, but at least I know that even if my hair falls out I won't regret it as much as I would regret picking up painkillers again.

Not to mention, pink hair comes with the following bonuses I've thought of while having my brief internal debate:

1. No worrying about grey hairs
2. Perfectly matches with not 1, but 2 of my instagram-bred outfits (MGK and the "you do you" hoody) ... I'll try to remember to come back and upload pictures here.
3. Accentuates the fact I already look young - I don't know of many other 29 year old's "rebelling" against society norms with the full angst of an emo teenager, so I have to focus on the positives here and see this as just another way to add to my "personal brand" (ew, I can't believe I'm using that term) of being a hot mess of contradictions. Too bad I forget which random guy I dated described me that way, I'll just have to trademark it myself ;)

Anyways, I think the livestream thoughts (writing them out, here or elsewhere) has definitely been helpful. Not to say that I'm miraculously a mentally stable productive happy member of society, but at least I'm somewhat calmer overall and feel like I have more of a plan than I have in a long time. I'll take the wins wherever I can... time to see how this hair came out.