que quiero...

I think that translates from Spanish to 'what do I want' minus the necessary accent... anyways, that's what I need to figure out. What do I want?

I have no idea.

Seriously though, the more I think about it the less I'm able to think about it without panicking - which is absurd, because I know it's a beautiful thing to have the luxury of time to stop and think about what I want to do rather than just staying alive. Beautiful or not, it's like my recovery has started all over again - I don't really know why, other than that the initial 'pink cloud phase' is a very real thing... but that's a why I don't need to get hung up on.

One goal: figure out what I want to do.

...for the longest time, my #1 priority was to stop being a drug addict. I found myself rationalizing getting high the other day by thinking "it's not that big of a deal, worst case I go to rehab again." ... no, Sammi, worse case you get 1 fentanyl laced pill and die.

Alrighty, so since I'm not a drug addict, what next?

I'll type a list as I think of it - without deleting anything, because that would be sacrilegious to my honesty value (hey there's a bright side! at least now I know my life values a little better! win). Ready, set, go

1. stocks - that's more of a side game, but I could take it full time and come up with some algorithms
2. edibles - there's a business in there for fucking SURE! I just need to set up a mock website to see how selling would work first, but once I figure out how to ship I am golden if that's the way I want to go.
3. work my job - meh...
4. dogs. hmm okay that was my thought but just because I love hanging out with Denver all day doesn't mean I can make a living from it... although my long term life goal has always been (see #5):
5. Orphanage/dog shelter - how is this the first time I'm wondering how I plan to fund this venture? It's like my whole life I've just assumed money will come from somewhere... yet I have no trust fund to support that.
6. Instagram - wait what, an influencer!? Absolutely not. OOH oh I know what I was thinking, make mikey and joey famous!! by utilizing instagram or...
7. Social Media - I was reading an article today about 7 ways millenials are using social media to turn into millionaires, I'll have to circle back to that.
8. MY FUTURE BESTSELLER! duh. Book, blog, both? I don't care, but I do know that using social media to promote a book was one of the 7 ways listed in that article.

...I guess I should start making this more than just my online journal.