Reality Check - 2.2.21

Hello world! (nerd joke from online coding courses) it seems - and I don't want to jynx this, but I feel somewhat safe phrasing it this way- that I was not only granted a momentary respite from my suffocating depressive episode (I think that's the write medical term)! Yesterday was shitty, but overall I haven't sunk back to the depths where getting out of bed is difficult, so that's a major win. I decided to write down some lessons learned before I lose this blissful sense of peace, particularly since my boss (aka the greatest human on Earth, J-man) gave me some great advice today that I don't want to forget.

Before that, I'm trying to decide what to title this... "Reality Check" was my instinct, I could put the date too like I do with the livestreams... it's definitely going under the 'depression hacks' tab, so I don't think I need to title it that. It's more like a companion to the livestreams, except somewhat more coherent thoughts rather than just a stream of consciousness. That settles it: Reality Checks are the feel-good version of Livestreams.

How to stop the All or Nothing mentality and other lessons learned:

1. Accept small steps. For example, make a goal of eating at least a serving of vegetables per day - that's it. No caveats or need to overhaul my diet with the help of a nutritionist... just more veggies.
2. Going with the theme of goals, SET THEM! I don't know when or why I decided that planning was the antagonist of fun, but I officially accept I was wrong and that planning is a good thing. Heyyyy I ordered a planner from that 'AWARE' company yesterday, hopefully that can help!
3. Patience darling, patience. No matter how many times I repeat that could never be enough for how accurate it is... there's no cure for addiction (or most mental illnesses really, right? you just can treat the symptoms mostly) so what I'm going through isn't a phase or something that is one day just going to end. Sucks to accept, but I finally am and that's allowing me to (slowly) make some progress and navigate this thing called life.

Daily goals? J-Man uses a whiteboard with the word SPECIAL written vertically and each letter stands for 1 of his daily goals (i.e. S = strength, p = presence for meditating, etc.) which of course I love the idea of. Maybe I'll order a whiteboard to do the same... Although I think I should start with a shorter word. My mini whiteboard right now has "persistent to-do's" so I'll start with that, here's what's listed:

1. Water, food, meds --> the basics, but a necessary reminder
2. Park --> exercise Denver and myself in general rather than just 'park', but I like where my head was at
3. Meditate --> how is that not on there? I just realized the rest of my list is stupid to-do's (not all stupid - I do want to order pictures of the famjam) rather than daily goals, so I'll pick up from there. I've been trying to turn this into a daily goal for awhile now - and have the apps to prove it.. I'm even getting reminders daily from 2 apps, so clearly that's not working. How can I turn meditating into a habit in a way that I'll stick to? Maybe make it more general, like just 'being mindful for at least 5 minutes' so that instead of having to go through with picking an app and then a meditation I could just set a timer and breathe while repeating a nice affirmation for 5 minutes. I like it!

Actually, that's enough for now - especially since the first 1 is really 3, and I have to find a method I can stick with rather than overwhelming myself with a long list of goals and no plan to tackle them. Maybe I should make a virtual version of Jordan's SPECIAL board... yess, that's a good start. Off to make a google doc and get back to work! Ta ta for now, future self.

xoxo,

Sammi