still swimming

I have a meeting in 3 minutes but it seems that being thrown into unexpectedly taking care of a duckling (which I should have expected seeing as I bought the incubator) has put me in a writing mood - can't waste that!

updates

so my last post listed out boundaries... I haven't been great at sticking to them. meaning I have to start cutting the kratom out - I know this has been the obvious answer all along, but I've been terrified to even admit to myself that I have to go through the cycle of quitting all over again. this especially gets tricky with work, because despite my best attempts at getting myself back to the 'self-medicated' state I used to work in (and, unfortunately, did a really good job in that state) I still am nowhere near the worker I used to be. In some ways this is better, but I'm worried that I'll never work well enough again.

tHe NeXt DaY...

This is going to be a weird multi-day post f--

June 13, 2022

I'm sticking to my only rule: don't delete anything. so this lovely started out entry from last week is ending, because ducky died </3 it's my fault, he jumped off my back (like always!!) but hit my barstool on the way down and (i think) broke his neck. within a few minutes Maige and I were watching our new bff take his last breaths - I've never had to comfort anything dying before. I don't like it at all. I just pet his stomach and said everything would be okay... but what do I know? Is there a heaven for ducks? For any of us? Or just... nothing? Yeah, on that note, time to start fresh.