The End of a Chapter
Moving day was a dark day - but I survived, and here's my thoughts from 1am while driving from the first place I've ever had on my own into an unknown future (to stay with my sister to start - thanks sissy) ... in both text and audio form, once I learn how to compress the 1/2 hour audio file.
8.10.23 @ 9:45PM --> I am forcing myself to post an entry from a google doc (someday I'll get the phone app for GhostPro working - not today) even though I now absolutely realize I was 'in my feelings' and being 0% rational/logical ... so while I don't remember the specifics, I know it's embarassing, but I also know I captured those moments on purpose. I do remember saying that in the voice recording part (which is about to be fun to figure out how to include here), so at least I was somewhat in touch with reality. Why bother posting it? MFBS needs to be authentic, because in my quest for clarity one key point I keep circling back to is learning to accept/love myself in order to live authentically - honestly, in a way I'm proud of. In order to do that, I have to embrace the not-so-cute/funny/logical/etc. parts of myself ... and that means following through on my 'in the moment' posts of thoughts that I had to expel from my brain to return to sanity. ANYWAYS...
MOVING DAY LIVESTREAM/HIGH THOUGHTS: 8/1/2023 around 1AM
MFBS MONDAY - no, TUESDAY at 12:37am
What a fucking day. This is saving Adam from my rambling tonight, because he’s been there through it all: childhood friends know you, in all your stages of life. I actually texted katie yesterday too, clearly moving everything I own into a storage unit & my car with 27 days (exactly, because I didn’t check the damn mail soon enough - amongst other reasons. “i don’t want to after being I decided to start writing instead of word-vomiting to my dear friend (who I hope is having better luck dating than I am… damn is that whom or who? that’s one I never remember).
Ohh Jackie: “I never need to go out to dinner with anyone - well, outside of the 5 people I know” .,, she’s almost rivaling my love for MGK in terms of love, pure adoration, and whatever you call the feeling that reminds you you’re alive and everything will happen how it’s meant to. So enough thinking, thank you jackie schimmel.
Maybe happiness is about teaching your brain to instinctively recall happy associated memories. This (unoriginal, because all advice boils down to a true cliche) thought: “I need to drive the speed limit because I have 0 visibility thanks to my packing job, it’s a blessing I didn’t leave until midnight because the roads are empty. So i’m going to pay attention to the road and switch to … a video? voice recording? living with my own thoughts instead of purging them here? TBD!
Alright time to figure out how to compress audio files, attempt 1 didn't work. I'll post the shorter one from yesterday first... (8/17/23: re-attempting to upload the audio. WOO, thank you free online compressor that actually worked! The horrible sound quality shows why podcasters use equipment - I'll think on that if I decide to make voice recordings more often, but for now, this chapter is finally officially done).