fine, if I'm being honest
ugh full transparency is a bitch, especially when it STILL doesn't help me behave.
UPDATE, 24 HOURS LATER: I typed his email wrong. THANK YOU UNIVERSE! Let this feeling now be a reminder: THINK BEFORE DOING. think for much much longer, because I regretted this post as soon as I remembered it existed. But I’m not re-reading or touching it: authenticity, because honesty with myself is all I need.
I am TRYING so hard to stop clinging to anyone in this good old sobriety journey - so why, why, oh WHY do I want to email that last post to my ex like I could after subscribing him months ago when we first broke up/I found out he moved in with someone else already?? ... it also makes me curious how I subscribed him, his gmail must have been open in my propet browser (I will not try and login now, hey there's progress!) because based on when I just tried to subscribe him by entering his email on the regular front-end of the webpage (it's wild how not-often I look at that) it'll only subscribe him if he confirms from whatever email ghost just sent.
Sigh. I swear, I am TRYING to follow all the good advice and understand that it's healthier for both of us to not speak - we had no special connection, it was just nice to feel loved at a time I particularly hated myself. Just keep repeating it until I believe it.
I generally sing along to 'I'm done' by The Kid LaRoi while drowning in self-doubt over this failed relationship, but this has been stuck in my head too and I like the idea.