What a time to be Alive
I don't know why I just ended up here, but it's been awhile so I figured since I'm clearly procrastinating the work I should have done last week (due at 4PM) then I might as well go back to my livestream typed thoughts to get back on track!
The title of this post was my exact thought while opening it, because I just finished messaging a photographer friend of mine asking if we can push back the date of the photo shoot he's doing for me because I want to take better advantage of the sudden influx of random small companies on instagram that are basically handing out discount codes like candy to "ambassadors" ... reminds me of how Al & I always said "everyone's a DJ", except now it's "everyone's an influencer" (or ambassador, whatever - I'm almost 30, too old for the cool hip lingo). I have not willingly gotten pictures taken in a "shoot" since my senior pictures for high school (yeah in 2008... so 12 years ago, OVER A DECADE! holy shit time flies) - and even then, I was barely even "willing." However, since it's such a magical time to be alive, I figure "fuck it, why not?" ...worst case it's not fun/I get bad pictures - it's not like I'm wasting time I'd spend doing anything better, that's for sure.
I still don't understand why there's this explosion of companies suddenly asking to "collab" - I'm not sure if the timing of quarantine is more significant or if it's from signing Denver up to be a "dog model" for the buddy bandana, but ever since then I've been overloaded. I always said I'm any companies best free marketing... might as well get something out of it myself while I'm at it. Worst case? People think (**ALERT - CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK!!! NO! but continuing...) I'm weird/annoying and unfollow me. Do I care? I don't think so. We'll see if that holds true if someone insults me directly. but fuck that and anyone who would! The mute button exists on insta for a reason - in fact, if it wasn't for the mute option I probably would look at the app even less.
My main problem is that the bulk of my orders are made up of either t-shirts or lingerie... quite the 2 ends of the spectrum. I have so many great pictures in lingerie, but it feels too weird posting them online - my dad could see them! That would be awful. On the other hand, why not make use of the fact that I don't have the curves I occasionally long for and post the pictures to gain more traction for my future as an instagram influencer? HAH - that'll be the day... it takes me being in such a certain mood to take/post anything, I'd never be able to do it as an actual job. My brain would end up dying of boredom without anything technical to bite into. Speaking of, I have to dive back into the deep darkness of the internet later... and maybe pull some stuff together for this meeting at 4.
That reminds me: NOTE FOR THERAPY! SB, ARE YOU OUT THERE!? I'll head to talkspace later, but I have got to figure out how to get my confidence back. I don't know where it went or when I lost it - hell, maybe I never even had it, but this weekend's rounds of thinking led me to the conclusion that building myself back up from the ashes I burnt myself into pre-rehab is going to require a hell of a lot more confidence in myself than I have now.