What's a Broken Heart?

Long time no see MFBS! I've been soooo busy - hah, kidding, still trying to get to a point where I'm spending more hours not reading my kindle than reading it. BUT progress is being made! At least in some ways. For example... celebrated my 33rd exactly the way I wanted: with a carvel ice cream cake and 'happy birthday' sung in Spanish :)

A conversation I just had reminded me of why dating stories (mine and others) were a large part of what prompted me to always say "I need to write that down for my future best seller." Ironically, despite having multiple screenshots saved over the years of terrible conversations/profiles from my own exploits - aka the males of America being useless idiots - the ones top ones I have heard recently from a guy friend...

• "We got a pepperoni pizza, and she took 1 bite and the grease dripped all the way down her face ... she didn't even try and wipe it off, even after I offered her a napkin."
• "I told her I had mono and didn't want to hang out ... she showed up anyways. And laid on top of me, despite my repeatedly asking her to leave. Eventually, my ROOMMATE (his mother) had to tell her to leave."
• "This girl was a former cheerleader at a huge football college so I was so excited ... clearly her pics were from 10 years ago, because she's double the size her pictures showed."
• "We hooked up after the first date and she just NEVER LEFT. I basically had to kick her out of my apartment as if we had been living together after a few days!"

These were all different girls ... c'mon ladies, we can do better!

At leas it's safe to say hearing all that made me feel better about being (temporarily) heartbroken over an asshat who, I found out on my 33rd birthday 2 days ago, is now married. Reminds me of when I found out the ex that I lived with in California was engaged on my birthday (... 28? 29? I forget) all because my friend was trying to show me his story because my former dog was in it ... instead I saw a 'happy 2 year anniversary and engagement!' post. At least he dated the chick for 2 years first, never lied to me about it, and didn't knock her up with twins first.

The Never Ending Quest for Goals

Anywho, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with this - besides just get out my insanity so it doesn't drive me completely insane in my head. I know there are tons of blogs out there, so people must read them, but in today's TikTok generation of human's with shorter attention spans than goldfish, I can't fathom trying to write posts that people would care to take the time to read. This led to the idea of visuals - or blog posts that are mainly pictures? Compilations of all the funny screenshots/pictures of old journals? I'm not sure, so still a TBD on this aspect of my life goals.

As for the progression of my other goals, here's where my head's at:

• Since my whole prior 'thinking I was in love and a real relationship' was a fluke, maybe my 'realization' that maybe I wanted a family and kids was just another part of the whole delusion. The more I consider it, the less I can picture anything other than fostering or having a stepchild ... idk, but on the bright side it has eased that existential dread of my ticking biological clock.
• Career goals are all over the place: go back to school for a master's degree in ... marketing? non-profit management? psychology? Or find a certificate program in something I'm interested in? It all leads back to me being interested in basically nothing except reading my kindle and hanging out with dogs. But on that note...
• Volunteering at the Charleston Animal Society! Not only do I enjoy it, but it's making for a beautiful partnership with ProPet Content.
• Doggy Day Care ... I'm scared to even jynx this, because I have real ideas in the works.
• Should I make profiles on Rover/Wag again? I was a 5/5 star rated dog sitter/walker when I did it back in Boston, and that was while working full time.

I don't have regrets...

but I do understand why I struggle so much to read old posts. I absolutely CRINGE at the fact that I was so completely heartbroken by a tool that was not only a liar, but in such a rush to get married that we clearly NEVER would have worked. WHAT WAS I THINKING? It reminds me of a meme I saw that said "If you're sad about a guy, just remember, in a few months you'll be sad over a different one" ... thankfully, I am not sad over a different one, but damn if that isn't the truth. For reasons I still don't understand, I truly thought I had a special connection with that ass-hat. I know I'm naive, gullible, and overly trusting ... but I didn't realize quite how bad my judgement was until I saw those wedding pictures. Nothing like seeing a post from the mother of your ex of 4-5 months getting married to his girlfriend of 4 months. Although, as a friend of mine pointed out, for all I know they were dating the whole time he and I were ... which just underscores my point: my judgement was WAY off. Safe to say, I really wished I had remembered to unfollow his mom from my ProPet Content insta before seeing that - while on a date, on my birthday. Can't make this shit up, I'm telling ya.

Do I want to get married? I've put a lot of thought into this, especially since starting to hang out with a fairly great guy - he hasn't brought it up (thank heavens, what is it with southern guys and their obsession with marriage?) and I'm really enjoying the casual nature of the 'relationship.' No pressure to text 24/7, no worries that he's pissed I have male roommates ... just a nice guy to have great sex with whenever I want. And eat birthday cake, since he's the cutie heard off-camera in that video :) and yet, I'm not sure my independent streak could handle marriage.

However, do I want a soulmate? Yes. I would love to meet someone I want to be with all the time - someone that sees me for who I am and loves me anyways. Luckily, I have great friends to fill that role for now.

Time to get back to remembering that life is just content for my future bestseller, and start living well enough to create great stories.

xox,
December Sammi (heartbreak free!)